MER: From I Do to Best Mom: A weekend of reconnecting and celebrating

Last Sunday on Mother’s Day, an unprecedented number of couples from the Soon Chapter of the Couples for Christ Australia (CFCA) completed their Marriage Enrichment Retreat (MER), one of the formation programs of the CFCA.

Twelve couples polished off their MER 1 at St Bernadette Parish in Lalor Park while 9 other couples, including Clavel and I, wrapped up our MER 2 in St. Andrew’s Church in Marayong.

A couple of years ago, I wrote about my experiences finishing MER 1 which contained well thought out topics: Serving God Through Christian Marriage; The Christian Couple as a Pastoral Team; The Role of a Christian Husband; The Role of a Christian Wife; Effective Communication in Marriage; Healing in Marriages; and, Building a Home for God.

While MER 1 addressed the basic understanding of the Sacrament of Marriage and the roles of a husband and a wife in light of Christian tradition, MER 2 digs even deeper into the core realities of marriage and includes deeply enlightening and often entertaining talks.

Previously, I harbored a mild reluctance to attend marriage retreats like these giving out

inconsequential reasons and considered my marriage needing no first aid. In my mind, the talks will surely be sappy bordering on the corny side of things.

But I had to get off my high horse and see what it was like for no amount of judgment on my part will be reasonable unless I have tried it myself. And my wife was my willing accomplice.

Two years later after completing MER 1, my wife and I were ready to tackle MER 2. My singular thought all along was, “What could possibly be in 2 that was not taken up in 1?”

Again I had to reserve judgement after the fact.

For a layperson to understand what a marriage encounter is, one has to realize that there is no preparation when one is married. While the Catholic Church requires couples to undergo pre-Cana seminars for weddings and pre-Jordan sessions for baptisms, none is offered for navigating the complexities of couple communication, child rearing, and intimacy.

And that is why the Marriage Encounter Retreat organized by the CFCA remains a pillar of our Catholic teaching strengthening couples and moving families towards Christ.

Clavel and I learned a lot from MER 2.

Brother Ding and Sister Bessie gave solid advice on What Makes a Christian Marriage Work in light of the number of marriages ending in separation or divorce today. Making God the third party of a marriage infused with prayer is helpful advice. “Pray as if everything depended on God,” writes St. Augustine in the 4th century.

Brother Boyet and Sister Doris entertained the participants on Unity in Marriage in light of Individualism today. The talk focused on the three persons of the Trinity united as one God and marriage as a reflection of that unity.

Brother Bong and Sister Rose expounded on Communication in Marriage. Rifts and discord are normal in married couples but how you deal with it often determines resolution. Regular weekly talks with your spouse is recommended and Clavel and I decided we should be doing it at least once weekly. Having a sit-down date with your spouse over coffee talking about family seems a situation too good to pass!

Talk #4 by Brother Jojo and Sister Norie seem to animate the participants on physical and emotional intimacy and the challenges it brings amidst growing children in the house and the effects of aging. Just ask sisters Ayn or Cherry. As we grow older, intimacy, for some, may take a back seat and this shouldn’t be the case because the sexual union itself is a gift from God prescribed in Scripture (Genesis 2). Brod Paul totally agrees.

Brother Vitt gave solid advice on Christian Parenting bringing up the teaching of the Church (Fecundity based on CCC** 2366). Our children do not belong to us but were loaned to us by God and our duty as parents is to train and educate them befitting the Lord’s plan (Eph 6:4). Sister Donna gave advice on relishing memories with our children as she was reviewing old videos on her phone. Children won’t always be with us as they grow into adults, she

emphasizes.

Later that evening, we joined our fellow participants from the MER 1 for Socials Night.

We dressed up as Xie Zheng and Fan Changyu, as per Clavel’s suggestion. These two are the current couple on Netflix’s Chinese drama Pursuit of Jade. The night was full of fun and games and the exciting part was when each husband read their own love letter for their spouse secretly penned a few days earlier.

There were tears, smiles, hugs and laughter as each husband poured their hearts out for the love of their lives. I used to write notes and love letters to Clavel when we were sweethearts - is that even a term nowadays? And making one now made me feel like a schoolboy again. Each couple ended up swaying to their theme song, most of them 80s hits, perhaps the greatest decade for cheesy love songs. Clavel and I danced to Jim Brickman’s The Gift of course because that’s what she is– a gift.

The following day, Sunday, was Mother’s Day. We began the day by attending Holy Mass celebrated by Fr. Clifford, parish priest of St. Bernadette’s Parish in Lalor Park. He gave a glowing homily on Christ’s love for the Church evident in the Sacrament of Marriage. After Holy Communion, all 21 couples gathered near the altar as Fr. Clifford conferred his blessings on us as we renewed our marriage vows. As the men read the part of the husband which stated (name) –obviously to state the name of the wife– I could hear the word ‘name’ uttered by the men, me included.

But there was another milestone that was celebrated that day. Tito Kaka and Tita Lyn were called to the front of the altar and Fr. Clifford blessed them as well as they celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary. Fr. Clifford also handed them a signed Certificate from Pope Leo himself congratulating the couple. What a blessing!

The final talk for the weekend was given by tito Ruffy and tita Nimfa. They impressed upon us tips on Empowering our Marriage. Part of the talk was praying over your spouse and as soon as Clavel and I found a quiet space, I prayed over her and thanked the Almighty for the gift of the mother of my children.

I realized early on that a mother will love you because you are her son or daughter. And a brother or sister will also love you because you are their sibling but a spouse is different because ultimately, of their own free will, they choose to love you the way you are. I prayed to God to give Clavel and all the mothers in the world, including my mom and my sister back in the Philippines, the gifts of the Holy Spirit that they may be guided in all their undertakings and challenges mothers have to face.

This was an empowering exercise and one that husbands should do on a regular basis.

MER 2 proved me wrong once again, its benefit clearly outweighing my biases.

For one thing, I think the Marriage Enrichment Retreat has made Clavel and I grow closer with each other, a complementarity only the Author of Life could have envisioned.

May everyday be a Happy Mother’s Day!

A note of thanks to the service team for a herculean effort making all these possible: Nick Soon, Connie, Boboy, Mimi, Boyet, Doris, Nelson, Joyce, Menchie, Melvyn, Josan, Raul, Carina, Jun, Vilma, Edouard, Ermi, Jennese, Jenn, Jimmy, Marina, Richard, Anna. If I missed some names, my sincere apologies.

**Catechism of the Catholic Church