When Love is Disappointed: Reflections from Fr. Olek's Teaching on the Sacrament of Matrimony

Pastoral Formation Teaching 📖

Family and marriage are the cornerstones of our faith, and we are blessed to have Fr. Olek Stirrat lead us in a deep dive into the Sacrament of Matrimony (Core Values).

📅 Date: Friday, June 26, 2026

⏰ Time: 7:00 PM – 10:00 PM

📍 Where: Croydon Parish Hall (St. Margaret Mary's Catholic Church)

When we gathered at Croydon Parish Hall for our second CFCA Adelaide Pastoral Formation Teaching, Fr. Olek Stirrat began not with an idealised picture of marriage, but with an honest word: disappointment. It was a striking place to start — and by the end of the evening, it was clear why. Fr. Olek invited us to see that the cross at the centre of married life is not a sign that love has failed, but the very shape love takes when it is being made real.

Marriage in the light of the Paschal Mystery

The teaching's foundation was simple and profound: the Paschal Mystery is the form of all Christian life, and in a particular way of spouses united in the sacrament of matrimony. To welcome this mystery, Fr. Olek explained, asks of us an inner shift — for to enter into the resurrection, we must be willing to walk the exodus of the Crucified. From there, the talk moved through three movements: disappointment, purification, and rebirth.

1. Disappointment — in the other, and in ourselves

Fr. Olek drew on the road to Emmaus and on Mary Magdalen at the tomb. The disciples, "bent over their disappointment," could not yet recognise the Risen Lord standing before them. So it is in marriage: we meet not the person of our projections, but a real other who, like Christ himself, often comes in a way we did not expect. Disappointment in our spouse — and, more painfully, disappointment in ourselves — strips away our false certainties and our carefully managed self-image. Yet this very stripping, Fr. Olek reminded us, opens the door to true self-knowledge and to a real encounter with Christ the Saviour, whose risen presence generates new life.

2. Purification — the dark night, from eros to agape

Borrowing the language of the mystics, Fr. Olek described this purification as a kind of "dark night," in which possessive love (eros) is slowly transformed into self-giving love (agape). He quoted the philosopher Levinas: "if one could possess, grasp, and know the other, it would not be the other." The temptation in marriage is to grasp — and grasping turns recognition into disappointment, possession into lack, self-actualisation into frustration. Here he turned to St. John Paul II and the truth of our original solitude: we cannot finally fulfil one another. That solitude is not a defeat but a radical openness to God, who gives the spouses to each other. Reading Genesis 2–3 as a "progressive pedagogy," Fr. Olek reminded us that we are far less powerful to harm ourselves than God is to do us good.

3. Rebirth — love that is willing to die

The final movement was the most moving. Fr. Olek pointed to the witness of Bishop Pierre Claverie of Oran, martyred in 1996, to show that death is what makes the total gift of self possible — for without it, there is nothing we could prefer to ourselves. He set side by side two definitions of love: Gabriel Marcel's, that to say "I love you" is to say "you will not die," and Claverie's, that to say "I love you" is also to say "I will die for you — I prefer you to my own life." It is in this sincere gift of self, even unto death, that a husband and wife discover their deepest identity.

An invitation

What Fr. Olek offered was not a technique for a happier marriage, but a vision of marriage as a school of the Paschal Mystery — a place where love is disappointed, purified, and reborn. If that resonates with you, we warmly encourage you to watch the full teaching and to join us for our next CFCA Adelaide Pastoral Formation evening. Whether you are married, preparing for marriage, or simply seeking to love more truly, there is a place for you here.

Recorded at the 2nd CFCA Adelaide Pastoral Formation Teaching with Fr. Olek Stirrat — Croydon Parish Hall, St. Margaret Mary's Catholic Church.